I kept this in mind yesterday when Bailey, a Kindergartner in my program had another melt-down -- this happens on occasion with her. I have tried a number of strategies to cope with this issue, everything from enforcing my will on the situation -- "You and Nancy were playing too rough and now you need to switch tables, you need to do it now, I'm going to count to three." I could go on for half an hour like that and it wouldn't make a difference. To just leaving her be and letting her work the problem out on her own. I decided that there is a strategy in between those two that I could try.
It was activity time, the theme for this week is Science Fair (more on that later), everyone was busy doing their research, some with the help of teachers, others self directed. Students were using the computers to look up pictures and facts, drawing their own pictures, and using books to look up information. I was with Diana, another Kindergartner, in the book area when Bailey came over and crashed herself head first into the cushions. I continued working with Diana but asked Bailey questions to gather information about what happened. I found out that Trevor, our resident 6th grader -- the oldest student in our class, had told Bailey that her turn with the computer was over and that it was now his turn to use the computer. I tried encouraging Bailey to pursue another means of research, I pointed out that Diana and I were using books, and that Frank was drawing. Bailey wouldn't have any of it, instead she crumpled up the pictures she had already printed out.
Diana and I were still in the middle of working on our project. She was having a hard time staying focused but doing a pretty good job of participating and I wanted to see that through. So I left Bailey on the cushions -- this is our quiet area, and the right place for a student to go if they were upset and needed some time on their own, I noted that Bailey did a good job in selecting this area. A couple students came to me and pointed out that Bailey was upset, they asked me what was wrong. I explained and said they could try talking with her if they wanted, but they could also leave her be. Bailey's friend Nancy decided to try talking to her, evidently that didn't work either.
After a while, 5 to 10 minuets. I went back to talk with Bailey. She made a grumpy face as I approached her. I made a grumpy face back and told her it looked like she was still pretty upset. She grumbled and continued picking at the cushions. I tried coaxing her into another activity, I offered to help her acquire a computer, I asked her what she wanted to do. Nothing, nothing, just more sullen grumpiness. So I said, "Okay, how about you take a walk with me." She resisted at first, then Diana chimed in that she would like to go for a walk with me. Then, reluctantly, Bailey agreed to a walk.
As we walked we talked about what happened. Bailey had been using the computer, finding lots of good facts about Dinosaurs, when Trevor came over and told her it was his turn. Bailey repeated a couple of times that she just said nothing and got off the computer. I told Bailey she didn't have to do that, if she was in the middle of something she could have told Trevor she needed more time, or let Trevor have a turn on the condition that she get another turn in 10 minutes. Bailey insisted that she could not do this.
I decided that we weren't getting very far with talking about strategies so I moved on. "Okay", I said, "I have a deal for you. When we get back to the classroom you can do anything you want to." I brought up a few options that would be appealing for Bailey, she loves to play games, so I offered to play one with her as part of the deal. She agreed to this part -- remember that earlier in the classroom she wanted to do nothing but sulk. Then I told her that the second part of the deal was that she needed to work on her project the next day. She agreed. We walked back to the classroom and talked about the big kids that take classes on the upper floors of the school and how Bailey will be a big kid one day too.
Back in the classroom we played our game, a few of the kids who had already finished their projects came to play with us. When the game was over one of the students suggested another game, I pointed out to Bailey that the computers were open and asked if she wanted to do some research with me. She agreed.
So, in the end, she stop sulking, she engaged with other students, and she got some work accomplished on her project. The one down side I can see to this interaction is that maybe Bailey will connect showing her frustration to getting special attention, but from my experience with her I don't think thats how she will interpret it.
The last piece is that while we were on the computer Trevor came over to us. He commented on the pictures we had found and asked what happened to the others. I do not believe that Trevor was trying to be "mean" when he told Bailey it was his turn. The kids really look up to Trevor and see him as almost another authority figure. I need to talk with him about being careful what he says to the other children and to be aware of the affect he is capable of having on them.
I wish I could sit in on YOUR class :-)
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